Log in

Rachelove [entries|friends|calendar]

i've tried so hard to keep it together / my blood runs cold, i clench my fists / i'll seize the day by it's throat and watch it die / the last thing you see will be my face / remember this face / this ones for old times / you're so empty inside / you did this to yourself / THIS IS MY COUNTERSTRIKE / right here my call to arms / i've scarred my battle cry / it's SEARCH & DESTROY you fucking whore / i'm burning down your house now / hope to God you're in your house / BURN BRIGHT LIKE A STAR, TRAITOR / THE SUN SMILES ON YOUR CORPSE, TRAITOR.
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[21 Mar 2006|12:20am]
I cannot possibly explain just how much music means to me. I couldn’t honestly do this feeling justice, by putting into words. But that feeling that I get, that indescribable fucking jump-for-joy/cry-my-eyes-out/tear-at-my-skin feeling, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Not for anything. It’s like I can’t decide whether I’m terribly happy or terribly sad. I think it’s both in equal measure, and it brims up inside of me and I’m full, I’m so fucking full of feeling and I think it’s what they call being alive. I’m not used to that feeling, I’m used to apathy, I’m used to depression and morbidity. So any chance I get to feel that, I take it. And I always will. If that means a shitty job for the rest of my life, with a half hour of that feeling per week, then so be it. Hopefully, that won’t be the case. Hopefully I’ll be able to get in on that feeling.

I wish it were tangible. Music, I mean. I wish it were tangible so I could hug it. So I could express this feeling in some way other than tears through smiles. I feel like I could fucking burst and I love it. It’ll always be that way, and I’m so glad because even if I may not be the happiest person on earth, I get to feel that. I know I have real fucking passion for something. Real feelings, real heartfelt I-would-die-in-defence-of-this, stuff.

You may be the college graduate. You may have the million dollars in the bank. You may live in the big extravagant house with your partner and your kids. You can have all that, I don’t need that shit. Because for once in my life, I’ve got something. I’ve got something fucking enviable. I’ve got feeling. I’ve got passion. I've got something that makes me feel indestructible, invincible. I’ve got fuckin’ music. And no one can take that away from me.
7 X God knows I've had better.

[21 Jan 2006|12:12am]
Image hosting by Photobucket
F R I E N D S O N L Y .

Outline of a storyboard,
With no idea.
Head first in the shallow end,
I apologize if I do not care.

Comment to be added.
30 X God knows I've had better.

[ viewing | most recent entries ]